


Complicated

by KafkaTamura



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, M/M, Multi, Not A Fix-It, Sad Ending, i was trying to cope with age of ultron, it will make sense when you read the fic, more like Jarvis/Tony through Vision, so this came to be, sorry not any of these ship are endgame except for Pepperony, this is not really Vision/Tony, which is barely mentionned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 09:37:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16115735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KafkaTamura/pseuds/KafkaTamura
Summary: Jarvis is gone, but Vision still has his memories. They aren't easy to deal with, especially when it concerns Tony Stark.





	Complicated

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not usually one for bad endings when reading fanfics (it’s comfort food for me and bad endings aren’t really comforting), so I completely understand if people avoided this fic. I probably wouldn’t open a fic with these tags actually. And yet, here I am, writing it! 
> 
> This idea has been in my head for a long time, even if I’m only writing it now. I think it was my way of trying to deal with what happened in Age of Ultron. I’m still not over Jarvis dying, which is why I really have a hard time liking Vision. The whole deal felt unresolved to me, especially since we never saw Tony grieving (even though his relationship with Jarvis had been so important to him) and we haven’t seen Tony and Vision interact much either. That resulted in me trying to fill in this hole in the best way I can. It explains why I wrote something I wouldn’t really want to read.
> 
> By the way, I never really read Pepperony and I don’t think I’ll ever write it, but I do like it in the movies. They have a nice complicity. I feel like they really love each other (not the way Bruce/Natasha had zero chemistry, but that’s for another discussion). Pepper could be more understanding about Iron Man, but on the other hand, I really understand where she’s coming from and she’s not exactly wrong either about it being a coping mechanism for Tony. So anyway, I’m glad it’s canon and I just want them to be happy, though I feel like that’s not happening anytime soon. 
> 
> Still, I hope you enjoy, and hopefully it could help you cope too!

Tony Stark was a complicated subject.

On one hand, Vision barely knew him. They had interacted a handful of times and had never spent any time alone. The only times Vision had seen him, Tony avoided talking to him as much as he could, spending his social efforts on the other members of the team. He was subtle about it, never outright avoiding Vision, but never seeking him out either. To put it bluntly, he didn’t seem interested in getting to know Vision at all, only tolerating his presence as a teammate. 

On the other hand, Vision knew Tony Stark intimately, better than anyone else could ever get to know him. That knowledge wasn’t really his, though, only memories from a dead part of himself, the part that came out of Jarvis’s sacrifice. Jarvis had been Tony’s confidant for many years, had witnessed moments so private Tony had never told anyone else about it. 

Vision knew about every kind of smile Tony could make, every variations of tone he could use and what they meant. He knew all about how Tony faced death or avoided to face it; how he lived, like nothing mattered even though he cared so much about everything. The twinkle in his eyes when he figured out a solution to a difficult problem, the way his hair got messed up when he was deep into engineering. He knew every detail of his body, could produce all his measurements without even thinking. 

Jarvis had loved Tony in an all-encompassing way. The unconditional love one feels for a parent, the way people feel fond of their best friend, the need to protect and coddle one feels for a brother and, most of all, the need to make him happy, loved, wanted, the way only a lover could. Jarvis had been in love with Tony Stark since the moment he had learned to feel, and that passion had burned through him all of his life, motivated each and every one of his actions, of his thoughts.

He had lived with this secret, taking it with him everywhere he went, so ingrained in his coding nothing could ever hope to erase it. He had been ashamed of it, had thought he had nothing to offer Tony, no body to hold him, no lips to kiss him with, no hands to caress him. He had lived hoping he could help Tony if only a little, hoping his maker would find someone else who could meet his needs the way Jarvis never could. That someone turned out to be Pepper, honestly the best person Jarvis could have hoped for. Even if he had been jealous, he had also been glad for them both.

Jarvis still lived through him. Vision had inherited all of his memories, along with everything he had ever felt. In a way, Vision was Jarvis, but at the same time, he wasn’t. He had his own personality, his own ideas, his own agenda. The part of him that was Jarvis felt as wrong as it felt right. Like he had the memories of another person.

Sometimes, Vision would catch himself looking at Tony with longing, adoration, his chest blooming with warmth. Those weren’t his feelings, and yet, he experienced them as if it were his own. Each and every time, he had to tore his eyes away from him, to reign in these feelings that weren’t his.

Vision had hoped that, with time, it would fade, like all memories did. After all, he didn’t love Tony himself, barely knew him enough to consider him a friend. He tried to avoid thinking about him too much, pointedly decided to frequent those who weren’t close to him in the Avengers. Specifically spending a lot of time with Wanda, who he came to like an awful lot.

However, instead of going away, that love only seemed to grow, and Vision finally came to realize that the part of him that was Jarvis wanted to take advantage of his new corporeal form to finally confess his feelings to Tony. That want, that desire to finally hold Tony, to maybe even kiss him, was so strong, so overwhelming, that Vision finally decided to give in.

After all, he owed a lot to both Jarvis and Tony and, this way, he could hopefully bring them closure.

Which finally brought him right here, in a room with Tony Stark, who looked like he couldn’t wait for this to be over. He was avoiding eye-contact, leaning on the table with apparent aloofness, and his eyes were covered by his beloved sunglasses. His hands were tucked in his pockets, a clear sign that he wasn’t as composed as he looked like.

“So,” Tony finally said, “what can I do for you?” He still wasn’t looking directly at Vision, only in his general direction.

Vision walked towards Tony, letting Jarvis take control of the situation. He stopped once he was close enough to touch and began to talk, “Jarvis died without telling you something very important.”

Tony immediately looked up, his attention grabbed. His hands got out of his pockets only to hang there, fists closing and opening. His eyes behind the glasses were more focused than Vision had ever seen them, at least towards him.

“Sir, I am sorry I can’t be by your side anymore,” Vision let Jarvis say through him, strong feelings colouring his voice. “I had hoped to watch over you until you retired from being Iron man. I had hoped that I would be with you through all of your life, continue to exist until you would cease to.”

Tony removed his sunglasses, putting them on the table and seeking support on it, both hands flat on the surface. He was purposefully looking away. “Why are you telling me this? You aren’t Jarvis, stop pretending you are.”

“I am not Jarvis,” Vision confirmed, “but I have all of his memories, all of his feelings. I tried to ignore them, but he wouldn’t let me, not until he could tell you how sorry he is.”

“He doesn’t have to be,” Tony told him, now facing him, his eyes wet but not shedding tears yet. “I’m the one that got him killed. Hell, you could feel guilty too, knowing I built you from him, but Jarvis really has nothing to be sorry for. He helped right until the end, right until I killed him.”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Vision – Jarvis – said softly. “Please, Sir, I would gladly sacrifice myself over and over to help you. I’m sorry if I caused you anguish.”

Tony surged to Vision, getting close to his face, his hands in closed fists so close to his torso, as if he wanted to grip his shirt. Vision wore his uniform, though, so there was nothing to grab on. “Don’t apologize, J! You don’t have to apologize to me!”

“What do you want me to say, Sir?” Jarvis replied, his hands moving to Tony’s shoulders, trying to steady him. He looked unsteady enough that Vision worried he could fall.

“Just don’t say you’re sorry,” Tony replied, his hands falling down back at his sides.

“Sir, there is something else I want to tell you.” Vision felt the nervousness burn inside him, the shame and guilt making it hard to breathe, even if he didn’t need to. “All my life, for as long as I can remember, I have always loved you more than anything.”

Tony’s eyes widened in surprise and Vision had to grip him harder, because his legs stopped supporting him. The wetness of his eyes suddenly spilled all over his cheeks, squeezing Vision’s chest with despair. Tony blinked, his eyelashes wet with tears, looking up at Vision’s face with wonder, surprise, sadness, love.

“Why,” Tony’s voice broke on this word. He had to swallow before he could say, “why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I felt unworthy,” Jarvis confessed, moving his right hand to cup Tony’s cheek. “I could never touch you, not the way you deserve to be touched. I could never be what you need.”

The tears spilled over his hand, but Vision still tried to dry them with his thumb. He couldn’t bear to make Tony cry, not now, not ever. 

“You’re all I ever needed,” Tony confessed, sobbing once before going on, “J, I didn’t mean to, but after I programmed you, after talking with you, how you helped me through my life... J, I never cared about a body, I only ever wanted you.”

Vision’s vision blurred at that confession and he let the tears out, the sadness that had been inside him since his creation finally finding an outlet. He moved his hands on Tony’s back and hugged him close to his chest. Vision closed his eyes, concentrating on how holding Tony felt. Jarvis inside of him was both deeply saddened and filled with contentment at finally getting to hug Tony.

They stayed that way for a while, Vision silently crying and Tony sobbing on his chest. Vision’s hands moved, mapping Tony’s back and memorizing the texture of it, how it made him feel. It felt like his whole world was in his hands, like he finally was where he needed to be. It also felt definitive.

Tony finally moved out of his embrace, ducking his head away to wipe his cheeks clean with his hands. When he looked back at Vision, his eyes were red, his eyelashes still wet. His cheeks were clean but reddened and he was sniffling. Vision felt so much love for him at that moment that, without even having to think about it, he bended down and sought his mouth with his own.

At first it was just lips on lips, still for the lack of knowing how to react, but soon Tony enthusiastically started to respond. He brought his hands around Vision’s shoulders and angled his head better, deepening the kiss. Their tongues met and Vision felt dizzy with want, his hands moving in Tony’s hair, on his back, trying to be everywhere at once.

Tony moved, manoeuvering Vision with him, until Tony was seated on the table, his legs around Vision’s hips. Their chest were so close to each other and their crotch were touching as well. Vision was burning, everywhere he touched Tony felt like it was on fire, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss him until the ends of time.

Vision was the one to put an end to the kiss, although he would have liked nothing more than to continue. Tony licked his reddened lips, bringing a whole new surge of want through Vision. Jarvis said, looking straight in his eyes, “Tony Stark, I love you. I wish I had told you earlier. I wish we had more time. I wish I could kiss you for the rest of your life.”

“You could,” Tony proposed meekly, like he knew he was fighting a losing battle. “I mean, you’re still here, aren’t you?”

Vision let go of Tony, putting some distance between them, before he told him, as gently as he could, “I have told you before, I am not Jarvis. I only let him talk to you, but I am my own person. Those feelings aren’t my own. I want to live my life.”

Though saying all this hurt more than he could say, Vision had no other choice but to tell him. He didn’t want to hurt Tony, but he couldn’t go on loving him by proxy all of his life either. He could probably learn to love him just as Jarvis had, but Tony would always look at him as Jarvis, and that wasn’t a fate he wanted to live through. 

Tony seemed to understand, because he confessed, “I know. I’m sorry, Vision, I haven’t been really friendly to you. It hurt too much, hearing your voice, knowing what I did.”

“I understand,” Vision assured him. “I have been avoiding you as well, trying to quell those feelings. I don’t think I will be able to look at you ever again without feeling them.”

Tony sighed, looking away, still seated on the table. His hands were on his laps, his eyes were shiny. He passed a hand through his hair, messing with it, before he confessed, “Honestly, I don’t think I can look at you either, not now that I know... Maybe it would be for the best if we just... put some space between us?”

“Do you mean one of us should quit the Avengers?” Vision asked, for the first time since the beginning of their conversation feeling nervous all by himself. He didn’t have anyone outside the Avengers, but he knew that out of the two of them, Tony was the most needed. If one left, it would be Vision, and he didn’t know what he could do.

“Actually,” Tony told him, “I’ve been building a compound for the Avengers, a place better equipped to train new recruits. I’m gonna move the team there, and, after that, I’m retiring. Well, only partly. I’ll always be ready to suit up in case of emergency, but, you know, I’ll stay in New York, work on my company, work on my relationship with Pepper, perhaps finally ask her to marry me. Just, get on with my life, and you can stay at the compound, if you want to of course.”

Vision smiled, though it was bittersweet, “I think it is a good idea.”

“Good,” Tony answered. He stood up, retrieved his sunglasses and put them on, ready to face the outside world. 

Before letting him go, Vision confessed, “I’m sorry for everything.”

He smiled bitterly, but still answered seriously, “I’m sorry too.”

Tony left the room, but Vision lingered. Touching his lips with his fingers, he couldn’t help but wonder if he would have fallen in love with Tony if it wasn’t for Jarvis. He felt strangely jealous he would never get to experience Tony’s love the way Jarvis did, and the Jarvis part of him felt jealous he never got to kiss him as himself.

Vision left the room feeling as confused as ever. It looked like Tony Stark would stay a complicated subject after all.


End file.
